Look, I understand, witch doctors are revered members of the community in some parts of the world. In some communities, they do good work by using herbal remedies to cure common illnesses. What they aren’t good at is financial planning. If you want to get rich, it’s going to take more than some voodoo magic. One Malawian man learned this lesson the hard way.

The Daily News reports that Chamangeni Zulu went to a witch doctor with a simple request – he wanted to become rich. Instead of telling him to work hard or look for areas to innovate in, the witch doctor told him to go lie in a bush naked and offer his body parts to a hyena. So infatuated with wealth was Zulu that he did this without question. The hungry hyena showed up and ate three of Zulu’s toes alongside his genitals.

Did the hyena offer up a pot of gold in exchange for his lost manhood? Of course not. It got a free snack and Zulu no longer has a penis. He was immediately rushed to a local hospital where he’s currently being treated for his wounds.

Despite all of this, he still believes in whatever magic the Witch Doctor thought a hyena could bestow after eating his toes and penis. He told The Times of Zambia that, “Even if I have lost some important parts of my body, I still want to get rich.”

If anything, Zulu is tenacious. It’s just that there are far better ways to get rich quick than offering your body to a hungry hyena. Hell, he could travel the country talking about the dangers of listening to crackpot advice from witch doctors. That would surely make him more money than sacrificing more of his body to wild animals. I’m just glad he didn’t derive any pleasure from this experience – unlike some people.

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