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While it's strangely comforting to know daft, prudish politicians aren't restricted to petering along on American marble, join me in echoing any middle-fingered dissent arising in Scotland (and you know their kilts are flying up over this one) around lawmakers' plan to criminalize people who "communicate indecently" via email, text message or other media.

I thought the Scots invented indecent communication when they invented golf. Well, it's actually more about punishing creepy pervs, however you'd like to define that loaded phrase, but as we learned recently in one of our own federal courts, what one judge finds humorous, another finds deviant.

According to Out-Law.com, a site run by an international law firm, the language in a bill introduced by Scottish legislators is not just broad, but puritanical in scope while calling for draconian punishment. Violators face up to ten years in prison if the content of their messages is deemed indecent enough.

Ten years for a Goatse prank? For 2 Girls 1 Cup?* 

Yeah okay. I can dig on that idea—ten years is bit harsher than I would have imagined, though. A thorough flogging would suffice, I think, and a community service gig with Roto Rooter.

The law makes illegal "causing a person to see or hear an indecent communication" even by reading a passage in a book, without their consent. It bars sending unsolicited, indecent images of real or imaginary persons, or sending messages "designed to give the sender sexual gratification."

Scotland Yard may have a hard time proving that last one. Clearly, the legislators' intentions are good—they seem to be aiming for the dark, scummy corners of sexual assault and harassment. But Out-Law suggests there's a bit too much room for interpretation and abuse, not to mention the impact such laws can have on free speech.    

Unwanted flirting, for example, could fall under the umbrella the Law Commission of Scotland is raising. No "dirty" cartoons, no "dirty" tricks—maybe no "dirty" jokes. And deciding whether it's dirty is up to a court. Take it from us, Scotland, obscene and/or indecent are not words easily and universally defined.


*Warning: Do not google these if you're not already aware. You don't ever, ever want to know.