Note: if you go AWOL from the U.S. Army, it’s probably in your best interest to keep a low profile. Volunteer at a pet rescue center, get a library card, start a garden – stick to the discreet activities, really. One thing that might blow your cover is attempted identity theft. One thing that will really blow your cover is attempted identity theft of one of the world’s wealthiest men.

Brandon Lee Price demonstrated failure’s guarantee within that last example as he was arrested at the beginning of March for attempting to defraud Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen. Somehow, Price was savvy enough to convince Citibank to change the address of a bank account in Allen’s name. Price then reported the loss of a debit card and had a new (fraudulent) card shipped to him.

Alas, success would turn out to be in the briefest of bloom. Remember the part above about discreet activities? Price didn’t. He attempted to use the card for a $15,000 transaction. On top of that, he tried to make a $658.81 payment to his delinquent bank account through the Armed Forces Bank.

Also, surveillance busted him making some purchases at a dollar store.

Say what you will, The Atlantic doesn’t shy away from commending Price for his aim-high ambition.

Comments and other headlines regarding the story are as you would expect.

Allen took a moment from his morning to reply to WPN’s request for a comment about the theft of his identity, but he insisted on only speaking in dizzying metaphor via Twitter.

As things go, the jury is still out on whether “water picture” is a cool name for one’s bank account.