As you may have heard, Apple unveiled its new lower-cost, plastic-bodied iPhone yesterday, called the iPhone 5C. While Twitter has already been speculating as to what that “C” might stand for, Dartanion London already figured it out a couple of days before the launch.

They called it the “Cheapass” (pronounced Cha-Pahs).

“We decided to use more plastic,” says Gary Miller, Minerals Scientist and Secret Keeper. “But this isn’t some garden variety material – we harvest the plastic when it’s still a baby so it’s soft and supple. It’s like the veal of plastic.”

Great job, guys:

Despite the iPhone 5C’s $99 price tag (with a two-year contract, of course), analysts are already saying that it’s not cheap enough to compete in emerging markets. Oh well, at least enthusiastic iPhone 5C buyers will be able to cover their plastic iPhone in a $29 plastic case. Take that, you metal-loving assholes.

Image via Apple